Overcoming Self-doubt- 9 Practical Ways That Actually Work!
CHAPTER FOUR: Leverage Fear To Build Confidence
Dear Reader,
Pain brought me here, fear sustained it. I’ve always struggled with depression since puberty, and only started my healthy living journey a few years back. That journey led me into the world of self-help, life-transformation, and result-based motivation. My desire to help those who enjoy negativity like I once did, and doubted their very existence, spurred me into writing this book. Yes, it is a book you can read from the very beginning here:
Introduction| Chapter One| Chapter Two (a)| Chapter Two (b)| Chapter Three (a)| chapter Three (b) | chapter 4a
I hope this sparks the beginning of something fresh in your mind. Let’s get right into it:
Leveraging Your Low Confidence
We have established that fear diminishes confidence, and anxiety is like a heightened form of fear. This means that fear causes low confidence; however, it causes you to pay attention to essential adaptive signals to help you achieve your goals. In this segment, I’ll expose you to some functional and realistic benefits of low confidence with different scenarios.
#1 Scenario- You are provoked into an argument by someone fiercer than you.
The first rule of winning every fight is to take on someone you can win. You do not take on stronger people, except you’re looking to learn a thing or two from failure. If you find yourself at a bar, at work, or at school, and you sense that someone fiercer than you wants to make you lose your shit, your low confidence helps you to avoid the battles. Sometimes, it is good to remain in your area of strength. This principle isn’t being a coward like most people think. It is about dominating your zone.
Floyd Mayweather is one of the few Boxing Champions in history who has never lost a battle. Yes, he has never lost any fight. The least was a draw. We all know that throughout his professional career, he never battled someone who was way above his weight class. He fought fights he knew he could win. Do you think America would have gone to war with Vietnam ,Iraq, or Afghanistan if they were less confident about winning those wars?
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained, you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle
- From Sun Tzu’s The Art of War
Low confidence doesn't mean you are scared of taking on new challenges. Nope, you understand your strength, and you're working towards it.
#2 Scenario- You have a presentation on a topic you do not know that well
I have been invited to speak on things I have little knowledge about. Sometimes, I decline the invite, while I take it up other times. Some years back, I dabbled in public speaking for just three months.I got an invite to give a lecture on shoe psychology. Shoe psychology is how your preference reveals essential aspects of your personality. I was confident I could deliver because I had a good background in psychology, and how hard could it be? The lecture was in six days. I got a call from the organizers and then used that opportunity to cunningly ask about the kind of audience I'd be speaking to. Fashion designers, marketers, advertising executives, high-level psychologists, and businesspeople. Boom! The anxiety kicked in. My once high confidence sank. I realized I'd look stupid in front of the audience if I didn't do well. For eight hours a day, in the next four days, I began researching to deepen my shoe psychology knowledge. I had my presentation already, but I needed more. I prepared enough just to give a forty-five-minute talk. If it weren't for my low confidence and anxiety, the lecture would have been embarrassing. Low confidence keeps you on your toes. This is one point I'll always emphasize.
#3 Scenario- You are tempted to cheat on your partner.
Mark Hurd was a top executive for HP. Yes, that computer is HP. Harry Stonecipher was the Boss of The Boeing Company, which designs, manufactures, and sells commercial airplanes. Do you know what they both have in common? They were both caught in infidelity and lost their jobs because of a cheating scandal. But do you know what else? They were both overconfident individuals. Do you know that there is a direct relationship between power, overconfidence, and romantic infidelity? A study by one of Dur Joris Lammers argues that power increases the likelihood of cheating because overconfident, influential people always downplay the risk of being caught and its consequences.
One of the reasons why people choose not to pursue extramarital affairs, apart from religion, is that they have low confidence. Low confidence would always warn them that they are not confident enough to get away with deceit. Those who go ahead to cheat anyway always feel confident that they won’t be found. This scenario doesn’t mean that the man is weak; it is possible to have low confidence in a particular area of your life while having full confidence in others. Remember, you are not your emotion.
Chapter Activity
Think deeply about the skill or set of skills you need to practice. Ask yourself, am I missing in this skill? For example, if you lack social skills, ask yourself what am I missing? Why do I find it hard to spark conversations? What do I need to know about speaking? Is my face always expressionless, making others think I am not interested in what they say? Or you’re looking to improve your public speaking or communication skills. What skills do I lack during presentations? Write down at least five skills you need to practice.
Experiment with the skills you intend to learn. You don’t just learn these new skills; experiment with them. For example, you can practice speech gesticulations, facial expressions, smiles, and even laughter in front of your mirror. You can even video record yourself, and then you can watch it later yourself.
Employ visualization to prepare for the worst-case scenario. Then, map out an escape plan. For example, if you are working on your small-talk conversation skills, and you’ve planned to sit beside someone drinking in the pub to say something along the lines of- Pretty messed up day, right? You should think forward about the next three sentences. And what if you got another reply that was different from what you had anticipated? How would you handle it?
Put yourself in a position to practice your skills. Imagine yourself in the scenario you imagined. Practice your skills in a real setting.
Write down the entire experience and how you felt afterward.