Overcoming Self-doubt- 9 Practical Ways That Actually Work!
CHAPTER FOUR: Leverage Fear To Build Confidence
Dear Reader,
Pain brought me here, fear sustained it. I’ve always struggled with depression since puberty, and only started my healthy living journey a few years back. That journey led me into the world of self-help, life-transformation, and result-based motivation. My desire to help those who enjoy negativity like I once did, and doubted their very existence, spurred me into writing this book. Yes, it is a book you can read from the very beginning here:
Introduction| Chapter One| Chapter Two (a)| Chapter Two (b)| Chapter Three (a)| chapter Three (b)
I hope this sparks the beginning of something fresh in your mind.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
The evolutionary role of fear is to increase our vigilance and prepare us against potential threats. Long before the word "fear" even existed, our bodies have been combating and making forms of escape based on the projection that something might attack. Our ancestors would also have experienced anxiety as a call to action like "Run!" or inaction like "Stay," "Don't go there," or "Be careful." If those elements in our bodies could speak, they would echo the words of anxiety.
Imagine having an exam or a job interview in a week or two. Your anxious mind begins to forecast failure. And because our brains are prewired to respond automatically to an alarming environmental signal, we take the task more seriously. What’s worse is our inner voice begins to bother us. For example, if you spend some time scrolling endlessly on TikTok or X, something in your mind would keep telling you— Are you 100% prepared for the exam? Have you practiced all the questions? Are you ready for the interview? You almost immediately begin to recall some information or data about your exam, right?
Several studies have explored the benefits of anxiety for individuals and groups. For example, in an environment that is prone to natural disasters like flooding, people with higher anxiety have found ways to prevent flood-related damage by increasing the likelihood of expecting and preparing for natural disasters. Over a hundred participants were involved in the study of people who lived in a flood-prone region, and only the anxious residents were completely equipped to cope with flooding.
Furthermore, anxious people are also less likely to have fatal accidents. A study that examined more than a thousand British people has discovered that individuals who are more anxious in their teenage years grow up to become extremely safe drivers. With psychological tests and the help of teachers, the study was able to establish that the more anxious people are at the age of fifteen (which was the common age teenagers learn to drive), the less likely they are to have died in car accidents ten years later.
Fear isn’t entirely terrible, and you can not eliminate it completely. Even those who claim to be fearless still battle with anxiety. You will always experience fear when facing challenges; it is a regular human emotion. As much as we can accept fear, we shouldn’t let it rule us. Instead, we should change how we view it to enjoy its benefits.
In this chapter, I’ll teach you how to leverage your fear by applying simple but effective strategies to help you overcome challenging obstacles. The same fear holding you back can help you fix your life. Here are examples of the type of fear and how to leverage it.
The fear of Poverty: Except you’re born into wealth, or maybe your parents have made a lot for themselves, and you’re getting a free pass, you have one time in your life to worry about money. In fact, we all worry about money all the time. When the worry gets deep into you, you become scared and begin to doubt your job or whatever process gives you money. At a point in my life, I wasn’t only scared of being poor. I was afraid of remaining poor. Instead of caving in, I decided to do something about it. First, I started by saving a percentage of my salary. It was hard because the money wasn’t enough, but my financial solution felt 10 times better. Next, I started learning about investment, real estate, and all other investment forms. I began to practice what I’d learned on a small scale. I noticed what worked and did it over and over again.
My Action Leverage to my fear of poverty was improving my financial life through saving and investment. You can also do the same by setting up your account to automatically pay you 10% and then building an investing system. Read books and talk to others (friends or colleagues) who have it locked down financially. We are scared about our finances because we have yet to create a working system of saving and investment.
The fear of living with less: A huge fear that comes with poverty is the fear of not having enough. There are things I have always wanted, and I often complain about them. Like you, I wanted so many things but didn’t know how to do it. I started looking deep into it, and I noticed that this fear stemmed from a more profound fear of being unable to ask for help. I was afraid to ask people for help because I was scared of rejection (Can you see how they are all connected)
My action leverage first was to list the things I desired but was scared to ask. I acknowledged the fear, and then I began to ask. If you do not open your mouth to speak, everyone will assume that all is well when all is not. Do you want some time off? Ask your boss. You might not always get what you want when you ask, but asking moves you closer to it. I once read somewhere that you are ten persons away from getting what you want. This means that whatever you desire, you can get it after asking a chain of ten people. Crazy right? Even if the first person can’t provide what you want, he/she can have a friend or a link to someone who can help you.
The fear of rejection: Rejection stops us from asking for help or the things we want. The fear of rejection prevents us from taking advantage of the best opportunities. Also, it limits us from stretching out of our comfort zones. People get rejected every day, but how we deal with it varies. For some, it can be highly paralyzing; for others, it is another thing they must overcome. I have had my share of rejection, and some hurt more than the other. But my action leverage was to make it a habit. Remember the exercise I recommended a few chapters back? The more rejections you have, the better you become at handling it. Purposely get yourself rejected and move on like it never happened. Within a couple of weeks, you’ll be amazed at how well you can handle people saying “No” to you.
I know rejection can deeply hurt you. Especially when you’ve put in much effort. Do not consider your effort as something wasted. Instead, please focus on the lesson you’ve gained from the experience. You’ll surely need it when a similar opportunity comes. Have you ever wondered how people who pitch businesses become so good at it? They become better through rejection. They’ve gotten a lot of rejections, so they now know what works and what doesn’t. The best way to handle rejection is to face it, learn from it, and move on to the next big thing in your life.
Fear of loss: Loss can take several forms. In this case, I want you to look at loss from a business point of view. The fear of loss breeds scarcity, and it can be one of the biggest fears you can encounter because it can cause you to do crazy things in the name of action leverage. The fear of loss deceives people into cheating, stealing, lying, stealing, or even conning them out of their hard-earned money. The fear of loss births the I-want-to-win-by-all-cost mentality.
When you are scared of loss, you begin to think everyone is after what you own. This fear turns you into a Scrooge, and it governs your greed while you hold back from helping others. The action leverage for this fear is to do the opposite of what the fear wants you to do. The fear wants you to hold onto things. You have to learn to give. Give away what you are afraid of losing. Whoever would save his life must first lose it. If you are afraid of losing love, give love. If you’re scared of losing money, give it away. You should give it away and make someone happy rather than hold it back with fear. Whatever it is that you hold onto by fear ends up leaving you.